I Need A Drink

Today was the worst.

First I went to the DMV. (You know DMV stories are always good.) It was my second trip there since I've moved. The first one ended in me finding out that the California DMV website doesn't contain a shred of accurate or useful information. But this time I was all ready. I'd changed to my married name with Social Security. I'd gotten my Smog Test. I had my old driver's license. And my marriage certificate. I had my title, registration, and about 18 thousand other necessary forms. 

When I arrived, I parked 3 blocks away because God forbid the DMV actually have a parking lot that fit the capacity of their waiting room at any given time. I then attempted to remove my Maryland license plates, only to discover the screws were completely rusted to the plates. No joke, I broke a screwdriver trying to pry those suckers off. So I decided to deal with that later and went to wait in my first line of the day. When I got to the point where they were handing out numbers, I discovered that I needed a passport or birth certificate in order to apply for a new license. Thank you, DMV website, for omitting that important bit of information. Luckily, the dude at the counter told me that the wait was so long I'd have time to drive home (30 minutes each way) and get my passport.

And that's exactly what I did. I figured I could at least grab another screwdriver while I was at it. My passport was easy enough to find. I still had it out from the multiple trips I've made to the Social Security office in the last 2 weeks. The screwdriver proved more elusive. Apparently we don't own a single screwdriver capable of more than changing the tiny screws in a pair of eyeglasses. So I'm running around the house looking for something--anything--that will get my license plates off my car, and the whole time Herbert's chasing me around like it's playtime. I ended up with a bottle opener. Yeah.

So I got back to the DMV, this time parking four blocks away. After a lot of cussing I finally managed to get my license plates free (did I mention it was raining this whole time?), and I went back inside. They were nowhere close to calling my number, so I guess the bright side here is I didn't spend that hour stuck in an uncomfortable chair between two smelly old men. My number got called and I proudly presented all of my information to the one-eyed clerk. She made me sign a few things and then told me to go to Window 4 for my new plates and then to Window 17 to get my picture taken and then to Window 26 for my test.

Test? Ya'll, I haven't taken a written driver's test since I was 15 and 3/4. I would use this space to rant about how stupid and pointless written driver's tests are, but I passed, so I'm going to let it slide. I do take issue with one of the questions I got wrong, though. Apparently it's "never, under any conditions" appropriate to drive with only your fog lights on. WHAT ABOUT BROAD DAYLIGHT?

So I turn in the test, and the lady tells me I passed, then she prints out a sheet of paper and says "This is your Interim Driver's License. Your card will be mailed in 2-3 weeks. Really, California? You can't print ID cards on demand? What is this, 1956? So now I'm supposed to fold this paper into 16ths and keep it in my wallet at all times.

Fine, whatever. The bottom line is that now, after 7 months, I finally have California tags and I finally share my husband's last name. This is cause for celebration, yes? Except that I had to go to get lab work done (nothing serious, just a blood draw). Have I ever mentioned that I'm terrified of needles? What in the world made me think to do these two things in one day?

The TV in the waiting room of the lab was showing Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. It's like the Universe was telling me that it really felt like I needed to pass out. I didn't, but I did cry. And I have a big bruise on my arm where they took the blood. That happens when you're too tense.

Now I'm home. My puppy is restless because she didn't get a walk today and my husband won't share his iPad. I have notes from at least 3 different beers that I need to type into coherent reviews and post, but I just don't feel like it. I think I'm going to bed.